French Culture Lesson

Part One: the bise

I'm sure you are all familiar with the stereotypical image of the French kissing each other on the cheek a lot. This is part of the french image because, well, they do it. All the time. No joke. More on that in a minute. First, the term for this action is the bise (or "la bise" if you really want to be french about it). It comes from the verb "biser" which means to kiss. You might also notice the similarity between this word and the way I often sign off emails and letters, and even this blog sometimes: "gros bisous" or just "bisous". Yes, there is a connection. "Gros bisous" means big kisses, and is often used to sign off letters to friends or family (ie you brobably don't want to finish a letter to a professor or your boss or something this way).

Like I said, the besi is everywhere in France. People of all ages do the bise in all sorts of situations. Most commonly: when you are meeting someone for the first time, when you meet up with a friend, when you arrive at a party (yes, you really are supposed to bise EVERYONE), whe you run into someone on the street, when thanking someone for something, when you are parting with someone, when you leave a party (again, EVERYONE gets a bise), and kids often do a family bise before they go to bed.

That being said, I've noticed that the bise can be kind of a precarious situation for foreigners. Even if you are familiar with the idea (as I was, after spending a good 20 minutes--at least--discussing the bise in my pre-study abroad class), sometimes you can feel a little bit unsure of yourself in a bise situation. On the one hand, the other person (presumably a french person) may not be sure if you know about the bise or of you are comfortable with it, so they may not instigate it. On the other, maybe you really aren't comfortable with the bise, or maybe you aren't sure you know the person well enough to bise on a regular basis (ie you bised when you met them, and then you see them again somewhere and aren't sure if you should bise them). Being a younger person, there may also be some confusion about whether you should bise an elder or a superior.

Who knew that such a simple little action could be so complicated?

I've gotten pretty used to the bise, and I've grown to like it (although I really do miss the hug, and one of my favorite things EVER is when I run into one of my american friends and am greeted with a giant hug...the French rarely, if ever, hug...and if you know me, you know I LOVE to hug and have a hard time with non-hugging cultures). I've also noticed that the bise can be a momentous occasion as a forigner. Not like, I'm going to throw myself a party because I bised someone, but, for me at least, when I am on mise terms with someone, it's like a moment of acceptance and being a part of french culture. I can't really explain it, so here are two examples from my life that might illustrate it better.

(1) When I first got here and went to meet Florence's family and then Lionel's family, I got to experience some serious bise-ing. Especially when I met Florence's family, because we went to mass, and I'm pretty sure 80% of the people in the church that morning were somehow related to her, and then afterward everyone stood around outside and I got introduced to a million different people and bised them all. And then when we left, there was another round of bises.

(2) In my portuguese class, there is a girl named Hélène, who I talked to the second week of class on the tram ride home. When she got off the tram, she instigated the bise. The next week, when she showed up to class, we bised again, and now we bise regularly. As cheesy as it may sound, it's kind of like the realization that I have made a friend here.

(3) I think I mentioned in my last blog that I was thinking about taking more capoeira classes at the capoeira studio after going last week for the open-house. Well, I went again this week and it was a really great experience. But that's not the point. The point is that after class I went up to the teacher to ask him how to go about paying and he said not to worry about it...the first class was free. And then he did the bise and told me to have a good vacation. !!! I realize maybe that sounds a little weird, but it was like, welcome to Senzala (the capoeira group), glad to have you.

(4) On the metro on the way home after class tonight, I was taling to one of the guys that was in the class about capoeira and being a student and life in general and when he got off the metro, we did the bise. I realized when he left that I don't even know his name. But whatever. I felt very french riding the metro and bise-ing and wearing my cool green bought-in-France-jacket and then busting out my DirectSoir (a free newspaper that they hand out at metro stations) and reading the news in french.

End of Lesson One.

I had more to write about, but that took longer than I thought. But this week is the Toussaint 1 week vacation (except at the IEP, which is the political science school where I take my classes, so I still have class all day Tuesday and, I think, a presentation that I have to do...oh dear), so I will have possibly more free time, and hopefully fun things to write about.

Gros bisous!!