I also had a strangely shocking realization the other day. Strange in the fact that I felt shocked...the realization itself wasn't really all that strange or shocking in itself. A bunch of my friends in their various blogs/myspaces/etc have been doing this "wrapping up of 2007" thing. This is not a practice that is terribly appealing to me personally, because...well, I guess it's just not. I don't really want to try to get into the why at the moment. But, as i was reading these little wrap-ups, I was struck by just how much I have been missing in my friends lives over the past few months. By just how much the rest of the world is continuing to grow and change. I thought about this a lot before my grandpa died because it was really hard for me to accept that that aspect of my life was continuing without me being there to witness it, but it was always focused on my grandpa. Now I realized that all sorts of other things are happening without my being there to witness them.
A couple of my friends started new jobs. My best friend's dad decided to retire and move to Australia and then hasn't quite gotten around to it yet. And she may or may not have to find a new house. My little sister turned three. A whole term worth of pocket shows have gone unseen by me. My friend played a whore in Threepenny Opera and I didn't get to see it. One of my cousins is about to have a baby and another got engaged. People have traveled. Relationships have come and gone. Kisses have been shared and stolen. Huge life decisions have been made. Small life decisions have been made. Friendships have bloomed and fizzled out. Hundreds of hours of gossip have gone un-gossiped. Some of my friends will be graduating from high school and college in May and will be moving on to new chapters in their lives. I still have yet to see my old roomie's "new" house and it wont be new anymore by the time I see it. Bunches of my friends in Oregon are living in new houses and apartments that I haven't gotten to see, and who knows if i will ever get to see them, depending on if they stay in those places or not next year. One of my friends in NM moved into a new apartment. A close friend and "sister" of mine was in and out of the hospital with strange health problems and a broken pelvis. People have gotten piercings and quite possibly tattoos (although I don't know of any off the top of my head) and changed their hair.
I could go on and on coming up with the things that I have heard about in passing or learned via facebook stalking or read in emails or heard on the phone...ok, so I guess I'm not completely out of the loop. But then there are all the things that I'm sure I know nothing about yet...and that I may or may not even hear about. And all the small "insignificant" things that you know about your friends when you see or talk to them every day, but that don't come up in the weekly/monthly/etc update that you get from them when you have time to call or e-mail each other. Discussions about interesting lectures or experiences. Cuddling in a friends bed gossiping about boys and school and whatever else it is we girls gossip about.
Wow...I'm depressing myself a little bit. Which is silly. I really wouldn't give the experience I'm having up for anything. I mean, I, too, have a new piercing, a new haircut, new gossip, new experiences. Interesting things happen to me every day and I don't have time to tell people about them all. Many will go unshared because they get lost in the shuffle. But that doesn't mean they haven't all changed me at least a little bit. And in a way, I guess I'm getting on with my life without the direct supervision of a lot of the people that normally play a really important role in my daily life just like the rest of the world is getting on without me. But I can know that all I want and still feel a little bit like I'm missing out. And I can appreciate what I have and still wish deep down that I were part of all those other things too, right? As long as I don't forget to appreciate what I have first.
Anyway, I've kind of been letting myself drown in the things that I'm missing and in the things that I need to be focusing on/getting done lately, which I know isn't really a good thing, but sometimes it happens. And sometimes you have to let yourself be in a slump for a little while before you can pick your way out of it. So I will leave today behind soon and go to bed and accept the fact that I didn't work on my paper or send out those important emails or book that flight or whatever. And tomorrow I'll make a list and prioritize and all that good stuff and have a cup of piñon coffee and get back on track.
And then maybe I will be able to catch up with the Paris update before I go on another trip. hehe
Biz.
2 comments:
i love you
It's hard missing little things, but like you said, you also have lots of little things. It's all good! :)
Tu me manques!!
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