Finding It

I'm not entirely certain what "it" is, and I'm fairly certain I wont find it any time soon...or ever, really, but I do feel that today led me in a good direction.  I've been feeling pretty lackluster lately...a combination of back to work, homesickness, and this repetitive outsider mentality that I haven't been able to shake for a while, but right now I feel quite a bit better about things.

As much as I hate doing this, I feel like I need to share a run-down of my day.

I slept in, which is always a double-edged sword for me, because it's nice, but my first thoughts were of time wasted that could have been spent doing more important things.  Then I cleaned up some of the scattered leftovers of unpacking and the first week of school, which was badly needed.  My room wasn't so much messy as unfinished, which had been bothering me all week.  It's still not really finished to the extent that I would like it to be, but it's a little more comfortable.

I then spent the afternoon doing homework with some friends.  Which is slightly depressing, as it was the first Saturday of school (as my friend said, I hope that by "homework party," you mean you're sitting around talking about how you should be doing homework but you're not).  On the other hand, it was almost nice to feel accomplished and make some progress.  I know I'm a total nerd.  I've accepted it and moved on.  Please do the same.

I had very lofty goals of being a social butterfly and making mojitos with a friend and then going to a concert and then going salsa dancing and then possibly even going out and doing the college student thing and hanging at a bar, all of which would have been fun, but I'm SO much happier with what happened instead.  With the exception of missing out on Rogue Wave, which I was really looking forward to.  Alas, after a prolonged conversation with my mom, we were kind of pressed for time to get to the concert, so we skipped mojitos.  Then, while taking a little pause at a friends house to say hi, we found out that Rogue Wave had cancelled and the concert was just some local bands.  We decided to stay and drink tea and chat with Devika, which turned into a too-much-time-spent-doing-homework induced giggle-fest on the part of April and I, which was slightly contagious, ending in all of us being sort of exhausted and pathetic, filled with pained, tired, crampy, sicky-ness and hunger.

After being whiny and pathetic about wanting to get food, but not knowing what we wanted or what was open, we finally went out in search of sushi, but ended up eating terrible pretend-tious mexican food.  I ended up going back to Devika's to have a bowl of ice cream to clean my palette of the unfortunate experience that was Qdoba (I'm pretty passionate about how disappointing the food was, if you can't tell), and the bowl of ice cream turned into three hours of amazing conversation.  Some of you may be aware of a frustration I was feeling at the end of this summer about this intense lack of interesting conversation in parts of my life, a strong yearning for the unique interaction that is hours of talking about everything.  My mom pointed out to me that I will never be happy with a person that I can't connect to in a fairly vocal, interactive way...someone that I can really talk to, and that comment has really stuck with me and I continuously notice how true that statement is.  She said it regarding romantic relationships, but I think it's fairly true of all of my other relationships as well.  I really thrive off of a good conversation--one in which you discuss everything from romance to foreign policy to religion to travel to anthropology to sociology to school to sex to music to whatever else comes to mind in a given moment.  Every time I come home from something like tonight, I feel like I just drank 4 cups of coffee and ate chocolate and danced to amazing live music and got some amazing hugs.  It's just so much good and so energizing.

Half of me feels like expounding on some of what we talked about.  But I feel like it's more personal for some reason.  Like I need to process it all to myself rather than out loud.  Plus, I'm finally starting to feel tired (funny how pajamas and a comfy bed can bring on sleepiness.  So, goodnight!

Bisous.